Pamphlets
by RidgelessRidgeback
Summary: This is what came from my Post-Original Song Klaine Coma. Finn catches Kurt reading his pamphlets. Together with Blaine, they educate themselves on the finer points of gay sex. More comedy than smutty; fluffy with a side of innuendo.


Author's Note : Yeah yeah, everyone and their mom is writing a Post-Original Song fic right now. I couldn't help it. So many feelings! *_* I rushed this one out, I hope it's still okay with you guys!

* * *

"**Pamphlets"**

Finn never knocked.

"Sorry Kurt, I was just wondering, can I-" Finn tilted his head in confusion. "Kurt, why are you shoving all those papers under your pillow?"

"N-no reason!" Kurt said. Well, more like screeched. "I was just studying and you surprised me!"

Finn took a step closer. Kurt sat cross-legged on his bed. Strangely, he was blushing. "What's so embarrassing about studying?"

Kurt looked from side to side, but nothing in his room brought him inspiration for a lie. Perhaps it was best to just come clean. It was Finn, after all. If Finn was to judge him, he had a lot of blackmail material to fall back on.

"I'm uh, dating Blaine now," Kurt began.

Finn frowned slightly. "Is there a manual on dating him?"

Kurt coughed. "No. It's just there's an actual chance I won't be a 30-year-old virgin. And Dad gave me these pamphlets to read so I thought, better safe than sorry."

"Oh," Finn said. "Oh! But wait. Mr. Hummel gave you pamphlets? I didn't get any pamphlets."

"That's because presumably you're learning straight sex at school, but they don't teach sex to any orientation at Dalton. Hey, whoa there!" He jumped to the side as Finn crawled across his bed, reaching under the pillow and pulling out the pamphlets currently in question. "Finn, don't you have any idea of personal space?"

"Look, I'm new to this stuff too. Not making out, I'm like a pro at that, but all I learned from Miss Holiday is that cucumbers lie about how many sex partners they've had." Finn began to flip through the brochures. "So what's so different about gay sex anyways? I mean, yeah, it must be different for the guy who's being the girl, and it involves butts somehow, right?"

Kurt leaned awkwardly away as Finn made himself comfortable on the bed. This was officially the most mortifying thing Kurt had done with Finn.

Then Blaine walked in, and, wait, this moment was for sure the most mortifying moment in all of history. Like deer caught in headlights, Kurt and Finn froze, an array of anatomically correct drawings and condom advice spread out in front of them.

"It's not what it looks like," Kurt squeaked. Blaine was smiling, but he didn't want to take any chances. "That is, yes, Finn and I are reading about gay sex. But totally not about having it with each other. He's just being nosy. Like any good brother."

"Yeah. Actually Kurt was reading about having gay sex with you," Finn said with a reassuring tone.

"Please stop talking," Kurt hissed at him, trying to retrieve all of the pamphlets. Finn swatted him away.

"I'm still reading those!" Finn protested, holding _BOYS will be BOYS_ high out of his reach.

"Yes, please continue," Blaine said pleasantly, leaning against the closed door. "I can't wait to hear more about _why_ Kurt was reading about having gay sex with me."

"Specifically, he said he was studying. He is studying how to have gay sex with you."

"_Thank you,_ Finn," Kurt said through gritted teeth. "You are so helpful."

Finn peered into the pamphlet still held above his head for safety. "There's nothing about hot tubs in here. It does say to wear a condom though." Finn looked blankly at Kurt. "Do you have a condom?"

"No!" Kurt yelped. "And I won't be needing one either. Because we are just _educating_ ourselves. It's all theoretical."

Blaine cleared his throat. "Besides, I have one in my wallet, so..."

Wasn't expecting that. It was time to retreat. Kurt stuck his fingers in his ears, belted out a melody and began to make his way to the bathroom. But Blaine hooked his elbow and led him back to the bed. Now the three of them were lounging together looking at clinically accurate drawings of male sex positions.

After a minute in Blaine's embrace, it was clear he wasn't going to be able to run away any time soon. Kurt reluctantly gave up blocking his ears. Actually, aside from the awkwardness of being squished between the guy he used to love and the guy he currently loved, this was nice. He probably should relax. Once the initial shock had past, this could turn into a great bonding experience. Right?

Maybe he wasn't ready for this level of bonding. "But how do you decide who's bottom?" Finn was asking.

Blaine studied the pamphlet carefully. "You know, that's a good question. I haven't thought about it much." He bit his lip in way that would have been sexy in other circumstances. "I guess you just feel out which way you both like it?"

"So girls have buttholes too, right? Does that mean girls can do it this way?"

"That's exactly what that means, Finn." Blaine spoke so confidently, as if teaching a child.

"But how are you going to get behind Kurt like _this?_ I mean, I could get behind Rachel because I'm way taller than her, but you and Kurt are like the same size."

Blaine pouted. "Wait, seriously? You think the- the height difference will be a problem?"

Kurt felt a little surge of protectiveness. "Finn, aren't you dating Quinn? Why are you thinking of taking Rachel from behind, hmm?"

Finn's face froze.

"Busted," Blaine whispered in Kurt's ear and they both snickered.

Finn's face scrunched up. "I guess that was one of those Floydian slips."

"Freudian, Finn. Who the hell is Floyd? Look, maybe you shouldn't be fooling around with either girl when you're this confused."

His face crumpled. "Probably not. But now Prom is coming up and I'm supposed to be 'campaigning' and it's just a big mess. Oh hey! That's why I came in here. I thought you might have some magazines on fashion for dudes."

"_Teen Vogue_ is on the vanity table. You can get it yourself; I'm comfortable." Blaine pulled him in closer.

"Okay." For a moment Finn stood, girl's mag in one hand and gay sex pamphlet in the other. "Um, Kurt? Can I borrow the pamphlet too?"

Even a heavy sigh couldn't convey his exasperation, but Kurt tried anyways. "Sure, Finn. Anything to educate you in... anything."

"You know, while you're at it." Blaine shifted so he could reach his pocket. "Here, take the condom too."

Finn's eyes widened. "But what if there's an emergency and you need it?"

"Hey, we're just educating ourselves in theory, right?" Blaine smiled at Kurt. "No rushing things here."

Except for the rush of heat to Kurt's face. Best. Boyfriend. Ever. "Y-yeah. Taking things at our own pace."

"Cool. Well, thanks! See you guys later!" And finally, Finn was gone with a loud slam of the door.

Kurt leaned back on Blaine's shoulder. "Despite how horrifying that entire scenario was, I have to say I'm pretty impressed by his open-mindedness."

"Yeah?" Blaine buried his nose in Kurt's hair.

"He's usually not the most accepting of homosexual stuff. I mean, look at us, we're essentially cuddling on a bed full of booklets on gay sex. And he didn't seem grossed out at all."

"I guess he's growing up." Blaine tilted both of them back onto the pillows. "But now that he's gone, why don't we talk about something else?"

"Like what?" Kurt whispered. They were nose to nose now.

"Do, do you want to top or-" Blaine's voice faltered. "S-sorry, it's important to ask, but..."

"Blaine, you're _blushing_." And then he thought about it and a warmth flooded him from head to feet.

"Yeah. Nevermind." Blaine kissed the tip of Kurt's nose. "I'll ask again later."

Kurt kissed him back, on the corner of the mouth. With a contented noise, Blaine rolled over on top of him, his fingers toying with Kurt's hair.

"Is it rushing things if we kiss for a really long time?" Blaine looked at him with large, hopeful eyes.

"Sounds like just the right pace." Kurt felt something crinkle under his leg. "But let's try not to crumple all the pamphlets, shall we?"

* * *

"I'm so happy we won at Regionals," Quinn cooed in Finn's ear. He smiled and curled his body around hers.

"Me too. It's been an awesome week. And educational also."

Quinn quirked an eyebrow. "Educational? That's a strange thing for you to say."

Finn grinned. "Let me show you something!" He scrambled in his bag and pulled out a pamphlet.

"Boys will be Boys? I don't think I understand."

"So I was hanging out with Kurt and Blaine, and it turns out gay guys have butt sex. And if a girl has butt sex, she doesn't get pregnant. Isn't that cool, Quinn?" Finn giggled to himself. "So what do you say? I even brought a condom. And I know how to put it on, too!"

He grinned at her like the idiot he was. Well, fuck. She _did_ really want to be Prom Queen.

"Fine," Quinn grumbled, "But we're going tuxedo shopping immediately afterwards." She rolled over on her stomach and squeezed her eyes shut.

Finn smiled to himself as he fumbled with his pants. If Quinn was impressed now, just wait until she saw his _Teen Vogue_! Learning new things was really useful.

He'd have to barge into Kurt's room more often.


End file.
